IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! (...#3 559 603rd time I've said that in the past 2-3 days)

Tee hee...had the very bestest time ever, it shat all over my 21st which was totally stoooopid and laaaaame coz I had a shitful time. 22, I vowed, was going to be the best, and it truly was. Friday night after i got home from work, Keeny and Jesse had decorated the house and made a big elephant cake for me and gave me presents and general love and understanding, then Sarah came around and took us to the Northstar for some ringing-in-my-birthday drinks. Turns out it totally sucked, so we went to Korova and we met Rosso, and got a photo with him, he smelt like cows but was really nice and hairy.

Saturday so many special people came, I'm sad that Matty and Ange couldn't make it coz it would make the night extra cream-filled, and I realised how fucking much I muss then, but alas it was great. We put on a bbq which Daddy G manned with Matt and Jeff, while the crazy kids flailed around drunk and/or disorderly to the great 80's tunes like 'Cherry Pie','We're not gunna take it (anally)', and a plethora of other hits to aide in our memories. Keeny and I were like kermit the frog when he gets excited (ponder your childhood's people, get the mental picture).

Many Webster St moments were relived, for example the great hickey-ing that occurred in a great mist of dope and alcohol in keeny's room. I got a LOT of hickies from a LOT of different guys (said in Paris Hilton voice). I forgot in my drunken haze that I hickey easily...ow my breasts...and other assorted body parts that got into the action. Such ferals. After this, I found myself thrust into a taxi and toward the Robin Hood we drove...it was me, jesse, nick and liam at this point. I signed up for karaoke to do my 'regular' song and I made people cry as I sang it...either I sucked balls or perhaps they were cutting up onions, as I understand March 5 is also National Onion Appreciation Day (or so I've been told by the onions).

Everyone else arrived and sang Madonna, Britney, more Whitney, Dixie Chicks...Marti and I did a non-Cosima rendition of 'Hot Stuff' (ie we didn't look like we were boars trying to birth...smaller boars)...Bonnie passed out on the table, I stole cigarettes, drank lots thanks to Nick who was my sugar daddy for the evening...it was now time to embark upon Korova. Don't remember a lot from this point, I know there were pretty lights and lions...and dancing to the Killers.

A few of us went back home and ate and drank like kings, then passed out like whores. Sunday morning was hilarious, Mikey, Keeny and I were up early and marvelling at papadums, stoned dogs and how cool it is when you find margarine in the garage....I got it best to get into the wine at this point, and we (me, keeny, jesse, nick) sat around in keeny's bed talking a whole lotta shit and drinking...I laughed so hard I have sore abba dabbas today =) Marti and Phil visited and Leah rocked up later on and basked in our hungover scents of stale papadums, sperm and cheap wine...mmmmm....the last thing I remember keeny saying as we lay in a passionate embrace in bed last night was how she was going to be dreaming of 'flying asses'....everytime I hear it it gets funnier...flying....asses...

We have a lot of great material for our radio show starting in a few weeks, we're calling it 'You cant say that on radio' hahahahaahhahahahaahhahahah geddit, coz we cant swear...on radio........hahahahahahahhaa..... oh mercy! I need sleep...

All in all, it was the greatest birthday ever, everyone made it so happy and fun...feels great to know there are so many special people who love us =)

DO IT FOR THE NORMALS!!

Got a message from a certian 'someone' with a 'big' 'penis' who I will 'hopefully' be 'catching' up with on the 'weekend'...ow my loins...hush my pretty...your time is soon....

Bye chumps xxx

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think	You're sleeping around
Strangers think	You're hot
Friends think	You need a fuck buddy
Quiz created with MemeGen!

any takers....

This thing makes me sound cute and loving as opposed to ugly and hate-filled.

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	erotic
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	twinkle in the moonlight
Your touch is...	irresistable
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	amazing
Your love is...	everlasting
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I never knew how fucked up 20th century artists really were until embarking upon this 'Summer School' assignment where I am researching this shit and analysing it in terms of '20th century angst'.

'Interesting'.

Upon taking a solitary candle and descending deep into my underground archives, I found a Picasso and a Dali amongst my personal collection of original Van Gogh's and such...yet painfully dusty with neglect. With my tiny reading glasses placed strategically on my nose, I took out some parchment and my trusty quill and the magic overcame me. I scribbled frantically by the candlelight as my creative juices flowed uncontrollably....so many perty colours, so much angst. I was overwhelmed....

....Ugh! I admit it, I've barely started and the presentation is tomorrow. Stupid alcohol and other associated toxins tainting my fragile existence!!

I haven't updated in quite a while I see...well,it's been a very fun summer, we've had the company of many a drunken chum who have come to stay with us, such as Emma, Matty & Jesse, Ange & Ash, Marnie, Stephanie, Nick, Bec the poor unsuspecting fools who have experienced the wrath of keeny or I after bringing them home from the pub....bwa haha haha...well you go there, I go there boy (refer above to subject of this post).

There's been lots of sipping martinis and exchanging various witty anticdotes as the sweet symphonies of Mozart entertained us (drinking 'Pop and talking a whole lotta shit while listening to Britney Spears...), dancing with drag queens at a gay bar in Melbourne, the acquisition of a new kitty called Spartacus Slobberchops Shaveidson from the RSPCA, various trips to Daylesford and getting a plethora of 'arty' photographs to commemorate our adventure, becomong a gym junkie, becoming sellers on E-bay and making a mint off stuff we steal from the cinema, spending too much money on E-bay, 'Summer School', experiencing Gold Class and drinking champagne on recliners while nearly sliding off the seat during Phantom of the Opera (....sweet deranged Phanty [aka 'Stitchface'], how we love you and your morbid acts of depravity), Karaoke (...the redemption of 2005 BEGINS), the 10.5-inch cock keeny engulfed last weekend while I played hide-and-seek with my man's winky....
....Look, can I just say: it's NOT normal, it DOESN'T happen to everybody and it IS a problem!!! BAAAHHH!!!!

*Phew*. What a summer.

I also worked like a whore all hols and managed to save $700 to fix my car and get the rego. $250 more and I will be back on the streets, cruisin' for puss like the rest on em. Legally. Getting a new car next year according to mien fater. Here's hopin'...

My brother has been very sick of late, makes me sad. He's the best. nice, genuine and smart people like him shouldn't have to suffer like that when there are so many dumb shits who do nothing but hurt people and seem to cruise on through life...then again these are the people who whind up living long, uneventful and ultimately unfulfilling lives. Paul, I hope, can use his unique experiences to do something really great one day...he's an academic and musical genuis...oh my god....he could turn out like the Phantom. That's cool. I can deal with that. ..

I must go fetch some sustinance...my weary body is churning and spasming

Too-rah!! =)

Christmas was unreal - lots of cake. A lot of drinking and laughing like escapees from an insane asylum as well (my family is a crazy bunch). Emma came to Mum's for Chrissy dinner which was cool - she gave me a purring Simba teddy! *Awww* He's my new spooning buddy. Went to Michelle's for tea, caught up with Flange and Matty P, had a few drinks and went home ready to get piss-ter, but I had a bad tummy ache and had to go to bed. :'(

Went to work today, was quiet and boring so I read and wrote and smoked a whole lot. I got a $100 Christmas bonus from work on Christmas Eve in cash...
Had tea with Big Daddy G. and Nana tonight, and now I'm home alone with my own company.....*looks around suspiciously*....the toaster is laughing at me.....must kill.....

What else...hmmmm...had a great weekend last weekend - Matty and Ben came to stay after their Gold Coast adventure; went out Friday and Saturday, got insanely drunk, danced the funky chicken (well I wouldn't call this chicken funky per se...more dying) and got to christen my new room on our third night there....


....yes folks, I had sex. Sex sex sex! Yay yay yay! =)
Thanks Ben, you're a trooper and a credit to this nation.

I think I'm getting over cockface well and truly now - every now and then I get upset, but all I need is time and I think I'll heal relatively nicely with little to no scars and hopefully not harboring too many jaded opinions of the male species. He cut me deep and did some shitful stuff to me even after we broke up. He really knew how to turn the knife to make everything sting just that little but more, but I'm proud of myself for still passing my subjects at uni (considering I found out he'd been cheating on me one hour before an exam :/ ), moving into our new pad and generally feeling more at ease in my own skin again. I'm not denying I still hurt, coz I do...but I'm done letting it consume me anymore than it has already. He nearly destroyed me, but alas, I'm still kickin' and getting stronger and bouncier by the day - I think I'll let Karma take the batten from here.

NYE should be a hoot - heading to Melbourne to get drunk and wander from pub to pub with a few Ballarat buds and meeting a few Melbournites there. I got a new little black dress, and am getting all the small animals that have set up camp in my hair over the past year or so removed and getting a new colour put through it.

I have a sore tummy :(

Do-do do-do....I had a funny dream yesterday as I powernapped watching Harry Pothead 3....I dreamed up this fantastic quip...

"Definition of funny...when a man puts his penis in a piece of penne pasta it doesn't even touch the sides"

....hmmmm...could be coz I had penne pasta for lunch combined with the fact that I'm still bitter towards my ex...no matter how you look at it it's funny, right? But where does Harry Potter fit into all this? Hehe geddit, fit! HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA.....*sigh*..I'm going to go lie down....

Another possible felony for me...

Just over a month ago Kareena, me and the terrible ex were drunk and merry at the George....innocent enough. We were hanging by the pool table, playing pool as one does.... but being drunk and with the attention span of fruit flys we quickly became bored. We glanced at the leftover billiard balls, when devious thoughts began flooding our intoxicated brains.... these balls were all so shiny and pretty and oh so vulnrable....yep, suddenly it was a great idea to steal them. I put a couple in my bra and Tevita put some in his pockets. Then we scurried away laughing hysterically and marveling at the notion of no one else being able to play pool that night because of us, as well as the fact that I had suddenly became quite busty. I remember saying that the manager could not technically frisk me coz that would mean he would have to touch my breasts, and I began ranting about how illegal that was. *sigh*. It was all so funny to our drunken minds....

Yeah, hilarious.

Tonight Tevita rings me up saying the manager saw us on the video tapes and is going to press charges if his precious balls are not returned. Hehehe...he lost his balls. Who thinks of video cameras when you're drunk anyway???? (who thinks at all when drunk?)

Anyway, Kareena has retrieved 3 of the stolen bootie, Mikey has one at his house and Tevita is going to 'take care of the rest' (ie stealing some from another pub). So tomorrow I must embark on the harrowing task of returning the manager of the George his balls....

Hehehe, balls

I wish I was rich, then I would be able to afford my bond, rego and a whole lotta bling.

Hehe, funny thing happened - Kareena and I were doing a 'dump run' (dumping copious amounts of rubbish at various unlocked dumpsters around Ballarat scoped out after years of research) coz we're moving and have a heap of shit to throw out. Anyway, in the dead of night we embarked upon one of our standard missions, the victim: a nearly-full dumpster, location unspecified at this time for security reasons, but in a somewhat remote area none the less. We dumped and dumped, then dumped some more and then went home for showers and martinis (well no martinis). The next day, as we were still marvelling at our genius, we received a shattering phone call from our real estate agent. We were informed that the owner of the dumpster, lets call her Dumpy, went through our stink bags like a hobo and found my name amongst the filth (that could also be a clever metaphor...no wait, yes....no...oh god I'm delerious). Dumpy was threatening legal action (pety pety Dumpy) if the evidence was not removed, using the real estate as the middle man. Very cowardly, Dumpy. So, at the stroke of midnight, me and Keeny dressed in black and with our senses at high alert, removed the stinky contents spewing forth from this violated dumspter and....dumped it somewhere else. BWA HA HAAAA! Mission accomplished.

I'm looking out in the Ballarat News 'Thumbs Down' column next week for my name.... *sigh*....as if my name isn't tainted enough. Sheesh. GIVE ME MORE MONEY AND I WILL TAKE MY RUBBISH TO THE TIP - UNTIL THEN DUMSPTER OWNERS BEWARE!!! NO DUMPSTER IS SACRED!!

My daddy is in hospital at the moment coz of some weird growth on his leg. He's in good spirits but appears to be enjoying the hospital food too much. And don't get me started on the sponge baths....*shudders*.

We're moving in 2 weeks from yesterday. *does a little dance*. Life will improve when I'm away from this fuckin house and and somewhere nice...I hope. Everything has gone so pear-shaped of late. I just want to close this hellish chapter (cheating ex-boyfriend, weird mates, health probs, psycho neighbour crap) and make 2005 happy and successful. It can be done; putting all this crazy shit down to life experience and stopping cutting myself up over it will be a great start. I have more that I should appreciate, as opposed to focussing on everything I don't have. I have a fantastically supportive mum and network of friends, I have a brain in my head, I can get up in the morning pain-free, and I have a job. Surely, these things are a start.....so here I declare that I'm going to stop bitching and moaning about the terrible injustices that have been thrust upon me and get happy =)

No matter what, I'm going to be successful. There's no other option. And when you got nothing, you got nothing to lose. (oooh I'm so empowered....thanks Oprah for helping me discover my spirit *sniff sniff) :P

*note to self - shave legs*

Goodnite =)

Love can be the most beautiful thing one can experience. Love can on the contrary be the most ugly thing one experiences. When I found out I had been cheated on numerous times during the past year by a guy I loved with my entire heart and who I thought was the most beautiful thing in the world even after he had hurt me in the past, my heart pumped with such urgency that I felt as though I was going to faint. My stomach bagan eminating this intense feeling of ill all over my body as my mind shutdown in instant shock-mode. My fists clenched so tightly my nails made distinct imprints on my palms. I felt clammy. My body felt like it was trying to take away all the pain and let my mind close off for a few vital minutes while I swollowed this sudden, life-changing experience. When my mind came back from its numbness, the tears began to flow. I cried so hard, and for so long as the stark reality of it all cemented itself. I scared myself at the effect this was having on me. To experience this is to feel the raw mental epitomes of alive and dead simultaneously. It didn't make sense to me - such a perfect union a total lie for a year...I began to get angry, plotting desperately revenge tactics; this suffering was something I wanted him to feel too...this suffering I had to endure 8 days after a blissful one year anniversary, during my exams and generally during a rough period of my life. I tried so hard to rationalise everything, but I couldn't do it. There was simply no explanation I could find to explain away how or why he had done this, apart from some kind of psychosis. I felt like I had been a good girlfriend to him; we looked after each other and got along fantastically. We were together practically 24/7 (except when he was fucking around on me). When I was with him, nothing else mattered. When he held me at night, I remember constantly thinking that the world could end there an then and I'd die happy. He made me smile, he inspired me and he made my eratic life seem calm and content with a simple kiss or kind word. All of this was ripped away for no good reason - that's the thing that will continue to sting for a long long time. That and the fact that he can't admit it, he didn't even respect me enough to be a man and admit it, even when I was in my worst state begging for the truth. How could he deny everything with more cheap attempts to cover his tracks? Nothing. Instead, he went out for a drink with my friends I suppose so he could feel good about himself and stick it to me after the huge fuck-up that had just been exposed. Whenever I think of him my stomach does flips , it even hurts to hear, speak or write his name. It makes me wanna throw up....well, at least I'm losing weight... Even in light of all this, I feel for him - no one really shows him love, he doesn't even love himself, so by leeching onto anyone who says a friendly word to him and fucking anything that will let him, it takes away from the unimaginable world he has built for himself. He threw away genuine love. Genuine affection. Genuine friendship. That doesn't come along often. The sad thing is, I can't hate him. Hating someone requires too much negative energy. I've decided that if I never see him, hear from him, hear about who or what he's doing, I'll heal. I hope... What he has done to me in the past few weeks has brought out a side of me I never want to see again. It has made me think thoughts that I never want to think again and has made me weary of future men. That, I'm going to deal somehow because there's no way I'm letting this prick ruin MY future happiness. I know I can love tremendously and unselfishly - that I take immense pride in. Now that my whole view on men is slightly jaded, I'm working through it so it doesn't manifest itself so that it becomes permenantly stamped on my personality until eventually I end up a bitter old cat woman living in a shack somewhere. I've contimplated fucking around to get back at him and to validate myself again. But....I don't really want to. My mum, my friends, namely Kareena, Mikey, Lauren, Ange, Ash, Matt, Marnie, Marti, Nick....as well as the validation in the form of phone calls I've got from Phil, who wants my can and a lovely chap called Ben I've been liasing with....I've realised I am an ok person. I've been slightly disillusioned with a couple of other friends, but I've in the mindset now that I don't need that extra worry and that basically they're expendible if they want to be. I saw him out with some girl the night it all happened - he saw me and just stared. I cried and he just walked away with her. He's been 'catching up' with my friends with this chick too....how sweet; if fucking up my life wasn't enough, he's slimily moving in on my friends with another girl so that he knows I'll hear about it....maybe he's trying to prove that he doesn't care. Plus, he doesn't have any other friends but the ones he made through me, he told me himself. He has no respect for me or what I'm going through. On the night exams were officially over, I was going to go drink with some friends as a celebration. But no, Tevita decided to rock up with this chick....what a cheap way to stick it to me bastard, when I've done NOTHING WRONG. Very heartless. He'll come crashing down someday and realise he lost someone that would have loved him forever..... Jacki

Well I'm in a slight rut at the moment - I have to go to Japanese today and withstand 2 hours of this crazy language, but I have an incredible, insatiable urge to flee the confining walls of uni to a place far more welcoming - bed. Yes, bed. My big, old lonely bed. For some reason, I dread japanese classes lately. I dread them nearly as much as I used to dread P.E. classes back in those hellish, puberty-stricken days of adolescence. And that's bad. How do I say 'drop and give me 20' in Japanese I wonder...
I think because I'm lazy, and don't do homework I just can't 'measure up' in the classroom setting as much as I'd like to...which is bad because I can be smart and like to speak up nad sound smart in class, if I could only focus and actually study. But, you know me, the attention span of a fruit fly..................oooh, is that a penny?

This on-line journal is a somewhat alluring concept...I imagine there will be many more a random rambling from me for you all to see and laugh at (well, at this stage just shaz coz, er, I have no other friends on this thing.

4:04pm...26 minutes until I enter that wacky world of Japanese...isshou ni shuubaraku e ikimashou ka? ...Shall we go to the post office together? *sigh*...countless years of my life I've dedicated to the japanese language and that's the best I can do? And what happens at the post office that warrants an invitation anyway? Sounds like a come-on if you ask me. Oh, those crazy japs...

So, how long are these entries supposed to be before your readers get cranky and go look up hardcore porn? Who knows ay max, who knows...

Note to self - invest in new bra because this one keeps biting me...stupid broken underwirey thing...why does it mock me? WHY?!

I'm going to go now. Thank you and goodnight.